A Hard Update

    This has been a hard update to write. My cancer has spread in the brain, has come back in one lung, and is now in my liver. I don't know what God is doing, but I still trust Him to do what's best and what will bring Him the most glory and the most souls for heaven. I'm having a lot of coughing again and quite a bit of edema (swelling) in my legs. I started a new chemo infusion earlier this month and we'll see how that goes. Doing as much natural stuff as I can stand, too. Some days it feels like my body is falling apart. But through it all, our Father is still faithful and our Savior is still sufficient! 

    So much is happening in our country and our world. I believe that Jesus will be coming very, very soon. Whether I go through to the end or am laid to rest until the resurrection, I know that my Redeemer lives and that He will come for His people soon. Please, my friends, make sure there's nothing between your soul and your Savior! I don't remember if I've posted this song here before or not, but it's a special one right now. Love to you all!

Curve Ball!

Our Father is still faithful, and our Savior is still sufficient! Furthermore, we're getting closer to Jesus' return and the end of this sinful world. But as we approach the climax, we need to expect the unexpected, the "curve balls."

It’s gotten harder to put things into words. After the first round of radiation last August/September, my brain doesn’t work as quickly or as well as it used to. But we’re trying to get used to it.

My follow-up scan in December showed a decent overall shrinkage of the tumors in the brain. But by March’s scan, several tumors had started to grow again. Curve ball! Last time we did whole brain radiation, but the brain can’t take that more than once. This time I did targeted radiation, where the doctors use pinpoint radiation to minimize the negative effects on the surrounding brain tissue. Now we have to wait for my next scan to see what the results are.

In the meantime, my medical oncologist has changed my treatment plan. I’m no longer on the hormone suppressants, and have started a new oral chemo pill. Because the cancer has now spread to my brain, our conventional options have significantly narrowed. But God’s options haven’t! 

Please pray for us to have wisdom and courage going forward. Most especially please pray for an Indian couple my mom and I have befriended who are not Christian (I think they’re Hindu), but have told us they will be praying to their gods for my healing. I don’t want the devil to get any glory, and I want them to see the power of the Most High God. I want them in heaven! This "curve ball" of a witnessing opportunity is definitely stretching my faith, because I've seen God and Satan fight before and it was intense! I expect it will be intense this time, too. 

These two songs have been running through my mind a lot lately: Goodness of God and My Story. God bless you!

When Life Takes a Different Turn

Life was going fine, I thought. My cancer markers were steady in the normal range, and life was going on. But I began to notice neurological symptoms getting worse, particularly in my left hand. Thankfully, I'm right-handed, so it didn't slow me down much at first. My oncology team is amazing, and listened to my concerns, quickly scheduling a series of scans. This was June. By July we had no answers, more significant weakness in my left arm, and one more scan scheduled - a brain MRI. 

I left for a family reunion in northern MN the beginning of August without hearing the results of the brain scan. While we were in MN, and Daniel was on a canoe trip in the boundary waters with half the family, I got the news that the cancer had made its way to my brain and the swelling caused by the tumors had triggered the neurological symptoms. It was serious. Everything felt very dark, especially as I had to process this without Daniel. But that night, as I processed and cried, Jesus was there with me. I felt like it might be the end for me, but He reminded me of the work He still had for me to do. Just like on the stormy Sea of Galilee, He spoke peace again, and the storm had no choice but to be quiet. 

When Mom told the church at prayer meeting, one of the elders felt God's hand on him, telling him to anoint me as "It's time for Me to do something big for My daughter." Hasn't He already done so many big things?! But more? Yes, more. I began to see a change in the neurological symptoms immediately, although slight.

The only treatment option was a round of radiation. I had no idea it would wipe me out like it did! But by the end of August, I was done. Since then it's been a very slow recovery of energy and ability. My left hand is getting better, though I'm typing this mostly with one or two fingers. I'm finally allowed to drive again. And I know God's not done yet. He's got a lot more to do in me and hopefully through me, too! The MRI at the beginning of December showed three tumors completely gone and the remaining ones between 18-50% reduced in size. The doctors are happy. I'm expecting more shrinkage as the months go on. After all, He's doing something big!

I've put off sharing this because I didn't have the energy to type it up, and there's more I could tell, but again, energy. But I have tested this truth again, and it still holds -- my God is faithful, my Jesus is enough, and His grace is sufficient!

Thank you all for your prayers.

Even in the Valley

 I have been struggling to write this update, because I know several friends who have entered dark valleys of their own lately, and I don't want to seem flippant or unfeeling. But I also know that even in the darkest of valleys - 

our God is still good; our Jesus is still faithful; and His grace is still sufficient!

For the past 9 months or so, my tumors have continued to shrink slowly and it's been a gradual process. I have more energy than I did when I was going through the chemo infusions, but still not as much as I used to before the cancer. My treatment plan has stayed the same, mixing conventional hormone therapy and oral chemo pills with natural remedies and exercise. I get a CT scan every 3 months just to get a visual check on what my insides look like.

But this time, my CT scan results had an additional comment from the radiologist after the usual description of the scan. This time, the doctor added that he could find "no sign of active cancer." Praise the Lord!! That means there are still a few tumors that can be seen, but they are either dead or inactive. My latest bloodwork showed the cancer protein marker is still dropping, which is another unexpected development - well, unexpected for the doctors and oncology team watching this! 

Thank you all so very much for your prayers and support. It has meant so much to us as we have walked through this valley to know that we have so many people lifting us up in prayer. Even though we've now reached a sunnier and smoother part of the valley, I know there are many others who are in their own dark, terrifying valleys. I can testify that even in the valley, God is good, faithful, and true. Even when it seems He's saying "No" to our prayers, He still holds our hands and walks with us. And He still shows us His love for us every day, if we're willing to see it.

The words of this song "Even in the Valley" seem like they were written for my experience. I hope you are blessed by this reminder of the faithfulness of our Jesus!

A Different Perspective

 Hi there! It's been a minute since I was on here last, and I apologize. There's much to update y'all on, so I'll just jump right in!

In January, Daniel and I moved across the country to Tennessee to be closer to my side of the family. We're still getting settled and getting used to where things are (and the prices!) here in southeast TN. We miss our friends and adopted family out West, but we're also happy to be back where I grew up.

But the update you really wanted to hear is probably about the cancer, right? Ok, I'll stop rambling and get to it! God is still faithful, and still working miracles. My CT scan earlier today showed amazing things. My oncology team was blown away! Recap: my breast cancer was metastatic and had spread to my lungs and my bones from my face to my upper thigh bones. My spine was riddled with cancer lesions and very fragile. Today's scan showed that my lungs are clear -- no tumors there! The tumors in the breasts are shrinking significantly. And my bones? Well my oncologist said that they are looking denser (meaning stronger and not so fragile, probably because the cancer isn't eating away at them). He also said that there are clear signs that the bones are healing, and bones can't heal where the cancer is alive. So healing bones = dying tumors! The other thing is that the oncologist measures a certain cancer marker in my blood, and the higher the number the stronger the cancer. The tumor marker has been slowly but steadily coming down, and today it was just above 100. Last month it had been in the 120s, so progress! And so much miracle-happening to praise our Lord for!

For those of you who are curious about my treatment plan, I'm still on the hormone therapy and various complementary natural therapies, like supplements. The plan is to stick with what we're doing until it stops working or God heals me (or you know, Jesus comes back and I'm healed then!). 

Sometimes looking at something from a different perspective helps us see things we wouldn't otherwise discover. Ever been stumped on a hidden picture activity and turned the picture sideways or upside down? The hidden items seem to pop out at you when you look at it from a different perspective. Cancer has given me a different perspective on many things. My priorities shifted a bit. Showing affection for my family and friends more often, being more intentional about my Bible study time, doing the little things to brighten someone's day, sharing humor and making people smile for a minute, nurturing hope - these things all too frequently get shoved to the back burner when life is "normal." I'm still pretty low-energy, and my hands are still stiff, and typing and texting are still uncomfortable, but I keep doing what I can each day.

One of the things I recently saw from a different perspective has to do with music. Many of you know I love music! Before the cancer, I played the flute and piano. The cancer changed that though. Since I could barely breathe, I couldn't play the flute or sing. And painful, stiff fingers took away the piano as well (and the flute. Hard to play with stiff fingers!). But as the tumors in my lungs have disappeared and I can breathe, I've been able to start playing the flute again. One day I was complaining to God about how the devil had used the cancer to steal one of the talents God had given me, and I couldn't use it to bless others and serve Him. Soon after that, a couple came to share their musical talent at church and the lady was playing several unusual instruments. Suddenly, I saw my situation from a different perspective. I was bemoaning losing one talent, when I should be looking for something else to replace it! So I've asked God to help me learn two talents to replace the one the devil stole. I'm learning to play two new instruments - the bowed psaltery and the hammered dulcimer - both of them easy to play with my lingering neuropathy. Every time I look at my instruments, I am challenged to focus on what I can do rather than regretting what I can no longer do. I am challenged to look at things from a different perspective, keeping in mind the ongoing battle between Christ and Satan, and asking God how He wants me to serve Him in my new normal. I like this different perspective!

I'll close this post with Don and Donna Mohl's version of "Peace in the Valley." I'm looking forward to the peace in heaven, and the way this world is going, we're going to be there soon! However, I'm so thankful that there's peace in this valley because Jesus is still walking it with me! Thank you all so very much for all your prayers and love. We appreciate it more than we can ever tell you.

I'm Still Here!

 Hello, everyone!

I've been silent for a while because the chemo-induced neuropathy severely affected my hands, and although the neuropathy is improving, my fingers are still painful and stiff, and it hurts to type. So this will be brief (for you to read... I'm not going to tell you how many days it has taken me to type this!).

The oncologist ended my chemo infusions a little early because he didn't think my body could handle any more without permanent nerve damage. I didn't complain! Surgery isn't an option at this time, so I have started the hormone therapy. My oncologist said I responded "phenomenally well" to the infusions, and he expects that the tumors will continue to shrink with the hormone therapy too. 

I will be having more tests after Christmas to see what the tumors look like. In the meantime, I'm slowly regaining some energy and my hair is starting to grow back. My family calls me a chinchilla and a chia pet!

A few Sabbaths ago I was able to a flute/piano duet with Sylvia Crary for church, and you can watch it here. Last month I recorded an interview with Better Life TV that you can see here. (Note: that is a wig, not my real hair, in case anyone is wondering!)

I am so thankful for how the Lord has seen fit to answer prayer, and so grateful for those who have been praying! Have a beautiful, Christ-centered holiday season!

Today's Friday, but Tuesday's Coming!

I've noticed something about this valley. It seems the bad news often comes on Friday afternoons. The initial biopsy results came in on a Friday afternoon. The oncologist called us on a Friday afternoon to tell us that one of my vertebrae was in danger of crushing my spinal cord and causing paralysis or worse. And most recently, the results of my latest CT and bone scans came in on Friday afternoon.

The results were mixed. The radiologist said the tumors in the breasts and lungs were shrinking, but the tumors in the bones were "innumerable" and there were two soft-tissue tumors in my chest that had grown significantly. Many people were praying that this set of scans would reveal God working mightily. The temptation to be discouraged was very real. But then I heard, "My child, choose to praise Me for the good news, and choose to trust Me with the bad news." So that's what we did. We praised God for the shrinking tumors, and trusted Him to handle the growing ones, even though it didn't make sense to us what was going on. I'd be in to the oncologist's office on Tuesday, and I'd learn more then.

Eventually, my appointment rolled around. The oncologist was on call at the hospital, so I saw his assistant instead. The assistant told me the oncologist had called him that morning to make sure he knew to tell me that there had been a mistake with the reading of the scans. The radiologist who read the results compared them to the CT scan I had before I started treatment, rather than the most recent one, so he was looking at things wrong. The reality was quite different! The assistant said he didn't know the details, only that the oncologist had asked him to tell me that everything was improving and he'd fill me in later.

I was reminded of a phrase I'd heard years ago in the context of the death and resurrection of Jesus - "Today's Friday, but Sunday's coming!" That was to say that although the view to the disciples was dark on Friday, there was unparalleled joy waiting for them on Sunday, even though they couldn't see it that Friday. For me, I had to wait until Tuesday for the joyful news, but I didn't have to wait a moment for the peace that passes understanding.

Finally, I was able to sit down with the oncologist and hear the details. The tumors in the breasts and lungs have shrunk significantly. The affected lymph nodes next to my sternum don't look like they've changed, but at least they haven't grown. And the lesions on the bones? The oncologist got rather animated as he informed me that he could see clear evidence of the bone healing in many of the areas where the cancer had been. Bone cannot heal where cancer is live and active. So the fact that there is healing happening means that the cancer is completely dead in that location. He had told me that the chemo doesn't usually work very quickly on the bone lesions and that it would be longer before we started seeing much improvement there. He seemed quite excited at the unexpected progress in the bone disease and all I could say was "Praise the Lord!"

Thank you to all of you for your prayers, love, and support. I haven't had the energy to figure out how to reply to everyone's notes and comments, but we have read and been encouraged by each one of them. I am humbled by how many of you are lifting us up to the throne of grace while you yourselves are going through dark valleys. We have felt your prayers and your love. Thank you!

I've had several people ask me what exactly we're doing for treatment. Following is the bulk of the treatment plan the Lord directed us to for this stage of the valley:

-Chemotherapy

-Essiac tea

-Protandim

-Turmeric/Curcumin

-Vitamin D3

-NAC

-Calcium supplement

-Ivermectin (See this NIH report and these articles)

One of my aunts reminded me recently of this song about what God does in the hidden valleys. I don't want to waste this cancer, to waste the opportunity to prove my Savior's faithfulness or His ability to purify from sin. He's working, both in our hearts and in my health, to show His power to save!

Ask More

Between the last update and this one, I have enjoyed the visits of two of my siblings and their families. It was absolutely wonderful having them here! I am so blessed!

I've been struck lately with the realization that we rarely ask God for as much as He wants us to. During my third chemo treatment a few weeks ago I got very nauseated towards the end of the infusion. Most of the nurses had gone on lunch break and several other patients needed the attention of the remaining nurses, so I kept my mouth shut and God got me through it without throwing up. The next week I was expecting something similar to happen but there was no nausea, not even a little bit! (And yes, I got scolded for not saying something the week prior.) Mom said she had been praying my nausea would be less, and the Lord had impressed her that He could take the nausea away completely. She agreed that He certainly could if He wanted to, but she didn't ask Him to. Later that day, two people told her they had been specifically praying that I would have no nausea during that treatment. God wanted Mom to ask Him for more.

I know people around the world are praying for my healing, either complete or at least enough to get me through till Jesus comes and I can have a new body entirely. Some days I am sure He will show His power in a marked way, because so many with weak or new faith are watching to see what He does. Other days I feel like I should start planning my funeral so Daniel doesn't have to. Good thing faith isn't dependent on feelings and emotions! As my grandpa's favorite song says, "My Lord has promised good to me, / His Word my hope secures; /  He will my shield and portion be / As long as life endures. Through many dangers, toils, and snares / I have already come; / 'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, / And grace will lead me home."

Today's visit with the oncologist was good. My white blood cells are back up, so I can have my next chemo treatment tomorrow. The other bloodwork looked good, too, apparently. Some of my liver enzymes are starting to elevate, but that's to be expected with chemo and they're nowhere near the troublesome levels yet. The oncologist said the largest breast tumor felt much softer than he had expected, and the entire breast was much improved, the redness/inflammation gone and the swelling almost gone. He's ordered a CT scan so he can see what's actually happening inside. He's very happy with how things are looking, although I can tell he's still puzzled somewhat. 

We found out that my tumors have two genetic mutations, both of which are rare, but they both provide additional options for treatment in the future. However, both mutations are rare enough that not much research has been done yet to know how well the targeted treatments work long-term.

So I'm determined to ask God for more. More chemo treatments without nausea. Better liver functions than the doctor expects. Less pain, when everyone in my medical team expects me to be asking for stronger painkillers. More courage and joy to share with those around me. More tolerance (and even enjoyment) of foods that are good for me that I don't like to eat. A CT scan that shows the power of my Jesus to heal. More souls who fall in love with their Savior because of this valley I'm going through. Big things and little things. Why? Because the same Jesus who raised Lazarus from the dead, who gave Sarah a baby when she was 90, who healed lepers with a word or a touch - this same Jesus is my Jesus, and He hasn't lost His power to heal or His love for us. I'm ok if He chooses to say no to a request. But I'm asking anyway!

As is now becoming a tradition with these updates, enjoy one of the songs that has been running through my mind while I type this! My dear friend Sabrina reminded me of it, and you can listen to a beautiful rendition here.

Valleys? Or Mountains?

It's been a bit since I posted an update. Apologies for that! Between the roller coaster of this disease and the delightful visits of family and friends, I couldn't find the energy for this post until now.

If you skip over all the rest of my ramblings and musings, hold tight to this nugget of the update: God is still faithful. My Jesus' grace is still sufficient, and His strength is still perfect even in my weakness (see 2 Cor. 12:9). 

The medical details of this update aren't anything dramatic. There's nausea and other unpleasantness in the nitty gritty details of this valley. There's fatigue and the ever-present cough. Some days are better than others. I had my fourth chemo treatment to go to today. But in the weariness, the sickness, the pain, the worry - Jesus is there. The other night my back was hurting, the ice pack wasn't helping, and the ibuprofen hadn't kicked in yet. I was trying to fall asleep and not succeeding. So I told Jesus about it, and asked for His grace to endure it, but would He please make the pain subside enough so I could fall asleep. Next thing I knew, it was the wee hours of the morning, nature was calling, and I had gotten better sleep than I had for awhile. When I got back in bed, I started talking to Jesus again, this time thanking Him for answering my prayer for relief from the pain so I could sleep. The little thought floated through my mind as I drifted off, "I answer the small things to build your faith that I am also answering the bigger prayers. Ask more!" The psalmist wrote, "O Thou that hearest prayer, unto Thee shall all flesh come" (Ps. 65:2). Our God is the God known for hearing prayers. Hallelujah!

I've been thinking about valleys and mountains. In the figurative sense, everyone seems to want the mountaintop experience, the excitement and exhilaration of big things accomplished or wider horizons viewed. No one likes the valleys, with their trials and struggles, their closed-in sides, or their loneliness. But think of the literal mountains and valleys. The literal mountaintops are a struggle to get to; they rarely have an abundance of plant or animal life because the height of the mountain exposes it more severely to the weather. Literal valleys can indeed be barren wastelands, just look at America's Death Valley. But most valleys have an abundance of flora and fauna; they are protected by the surrounding mountains from the harshest weather. 

I've lived a good portion of my life in the valleys, both literal and figurative. Growing up in Tennessee, my family attended church (and music lessons, and countless other things!) in Dunlap, located in the Sequatchie Valley. I love that valley and the people I got to know there! I've lived most of my life in figurative valleys, too, most of which were hidden valleys that very few, if any, knew about. The obvious ones were growing up in a broken and blended family, going through a major medical emergency when I was 8 (complications with a surgery), and losing our house to a fire two days before Christmas the year I was 16. 

Here's what I'm beginning to realize about myself: I prefer the valleys. When it comes to the literal geological forms, I actually like both. But the figurative ones? Give me the valleys. And no, I'm not joking. It's quite simple, really. On the mountaintop, I can catch a glimpse of the Almighty, a taste of the power of the God I love and serve. But in the valley, He walks alongside me. To me, the mountaintop is necessary and inspiring, but lonely. I like the valley because my Best Friend is there. No, I don't like the trials and struggles. But I treasure the small reminders of His love for me that He scatters across my path with every step. I take courage during the hellish darkness of a painful thing because that's often when I hear His voice and feel His presence most clearly. Let me go back to the verse I referenced in the second paragraph. 

And He said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor. 12:9).

I don't like all aspects of this latest figurative valley, but I won't deny that my soul is being refreshed in a way it hasn't been in years. Why? Because Jesus is walking closer to me through this valley than He's ever been before, and how can I not be thankful for that?! I will continue to choose joy in this valley, because the power of Christ is being seen through this.

One of my sweet sisters-in-law recently sent me the link to this song (listen here). It was a beautiful reminder for me, and I hope it blesses you as well. Until next time, keep trusting our Savior!

A Dark Valley and God's Hand

 It's been a little bit since my last update. This valley has gotten dark and difficult. After my ER visit, I went for a CT scan to make sure I didn't have any blood clots. The oncologist called us the next day because the scan showed that one of my vertebrae was severely compromised. No blood clots, thankfully! But this particular vertebra, if it fractures any more will compress my spinal cord and cause partial paralysis. Scary thought! Because of the results of the CT scan, I was put on antibiotics (for a potential lung infection) and scheduled to visit the radiation oncologist as soon as possible.

So I will be pausing my chemo treatments for two weeks and doing radiation on my spine for that time instead. In preparation for this radiation treatment, the radiation oncologist ordered an x-ray of my right femur, as a previous bone scan in June had shown a definite cancer lesion there. Today, when we got the results of the x-ray, we caught a glimpse of God's hand! The results stated that there was no indication of cancer anywhere in my femur! There was cancer in that bone in June, but not today. We are praising God for this reminder that He is working, even when we can't see it (or feel it!), and that He is not going to waste this cancer!

I've been thinking lately of an old hymn, "There'll Be No Dark Valley When Jesus Comes" (listen here). Years ago, I was scheduled to play a flute/recorder duet with Dr. Roger Nelson for church one Sabbath. However, a few days before we were to play, Dr. Roger had a stroke. We hadn't picked a song yet, so I asked his wife if she knew what song Dr. Roger had been planning for us to share. She said he hadn't told her, but the hymnal was open to "There'll Be No Dark Valley." So that's the song I played solo that Sabbath, since Dr. Roger wasn't able to play with me. It's been a special song to me ever since and has been running through my head this last week. I can't wait for the dark valleys to be gone! But in the meantime, I know we don't walk them alone. Whatever the valley, however dark or light it may be, when we place our hand in Jesus' hand we never walk alone!

Going Deeper into the Valley

 First of all, Daniel and I want to thank everyone for their prayers and love. We have felt God's hand on us through this whole ordeal. Deciding on a treatment plan was very difficult. We were blessed to be able to have a consultation with Dr. Neil Nedley, from Weimar, as well as with an integrative oncologist. Dr. Nedley agreed with my first oncologist that my prognosis, without a miracle, is 3-5 years with aggressive treatment. He advised us to go ahead with the chemotherapy treatment and suggested several alternative therapies to do alongside the chemo. The consultation with the integrative oncologist had a similar result. She recommended we contact an oncologist in Pennsylvania who is doing cutting-edge research into T-cell therapy for breast cancer. When Daniel called the number, the doctor himself answered (definitely arranged by God!) and when he heard me coughing he told us that I needed to start the chemo immediately and look into joining the study after I finish chemo. So through the counsel of three additional doctors God made it clear that I was to start chemo.

Tuesday I had my first chemo treatment. I was given Benadryl to help with nausea, etc., but I didn't realize how strongly I reacted to the stuff! It put me into such a deep sleep the nurses were worried because I couldn't answer their questions if I were to have a negative reaction to anything.Thankfully the treatment went smoothly, and I went home to sleep... and sleep... and sleep! I felt the effects well into Wednesday! Wednesday evening my temperature started to climb. Now that I am a chemo patient, if my temperature reaches 100.4 it means an automatic trip to the ER. In the middle of the night last night, we had to go to the ER and we were there for quite a while. 

I am home now, and resting. We're so grateful for the prayers going up on our behalf, and we can feel God holding us through each new aspect. Please continue to pray for God's will to be done. As Dr. Nedley pointed out to us, without a miracle, I will die from this, but we know the Miracle Worker!

Digging Wells in the Valley

 There's an old song I heard years ago, and it describes the importance of leaving a well of joy behind you when you travel through a valley in life so that those who follow after will be encouraged by your experience. I had forgotten all about that song until just before my first biopsy, when it "just happened" to show up as a recommendation on YouTube (click here to listen). I think that's when the idea first registered in my brain that I was just starting through a dark valley. 

Proverbial valleys aren't fun. In fact they are often symbolic of especially difficult times and circumstances. But even in this valley of cancer, I'm finding that God is digging wells for me - wells of joy, peace, and hope. But before I continue to wax eloquent on the wells I'm finding, let me give you the latest update on our cancer journey.

My oncologist took my case to the Tumor Board, but he hasn't told us any of the outcome. He has told us that my case is incurable, and that with a highly intensive plan of chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy, I might have 3-5 years left. We are seeking a second opinion (and third or fourth!) and we'll see what the integrative oncologist has to say. The integrative oncologist blends conventional and alternative therapies as much as possible, and my current oncologist has stated that he is unwilling to allow any alternative therapy in my plan, unless I wish to smoke marijuana. Lol! So we are still praying for wisdom on how God would have us proceed with building a plan of treatment.

In the meantime, we have been doing some natural treatments, which will at the very least slow the growth of the tumors while we are in this waiting time. God has blessed in many ways, including lessening my bone pain significantly. I'm exceedingly grateful for the relief!! Last week was difficult, as I had a coughing fit that triggered a massive muscle spasm in my lower back that took several days to recover from. But our Jesus is still faithful!

Thank you to everyone who is praying, and those who have shared advice or offered help. My family and I feel incredibly loved! Please, keep praying, as I know our God has only just begun to show His power!

Back to the wells. I'm finding that God is digging a well of joy in this valley He's walking with me. I can see the beauty around me more clearly as I look at the plants on my walks or when I see my friends' child smile and laugh at the frog she's just caught. There's a joy, too, in seeing the outpouring of love and care from more people than I can count - I had no clue God had used me to bless so many, and the knowledge that He has done so brings more joy than I can tell you, because there's no joy like the joy of knowing you've been working with Jesus. And because of this well of joy He's been digging in my valley, I'm finding extra pleasure in sharing joy and humor with those around me. It's such fun to get the nurses to laugh while they're doing whatever they have to do to me!

The wells of peace and hope are side by side. Knowing the greatest Physician of all has personally taken my case brings both peace and hope like nothing else! Spending time with Jesus in the mornings gets sweeter every day, and the promises He gives me from the Bible are so precious. Regardless of how this trial turns out, whether I live or die, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that heaven will more than make up for anything I go through here on Earth.

So, as you go through your day, look for the wells of joy, hope, and peace that Jesus is digging for you, too!

The Valley of the Shadow

  Cancer. Not a diagnosis anyone wants to hear, especially when you're young and have so much life ahead of you. Welcome to my newest training experience.

About a month ago, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma -- breast cancer. As the days went by, and the doctors ordered more tests, we discovered that the cancer had already spread to my lungs and several bones. My pain steadily increased and I developed the cancer cough. I lost count of the times I wished for a mask that said "I don't have Covid -- I have cancer!" 

We're just beginning this journey through cancer, but as we were inundated with calls, texts, and emails from friends and loved ones wanting to share their love and support, Daniel and I realized we were going to need a way to keep everyone updated without wearing ourselves out. Perfect time to dust off this blog!

So the most recent update is that God is still faithful! The oncologist is taking my case to a panel of other oncologists and doctors of various departments (someone called it the Tumor Board) this week to get their input. We're waiting for one or two more tests, and we're still praying about what treatment plan God wants us to pursue. After all, each person and situation are unique, and who better to know the best treatment plan than the One who created me in the first place? 

Though we're just beginning this journey with cancer, God has been helping us to look to Him and to His promises. Whatever the outcome ends up being, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand. My mom's pastor wrote and recorded this song for us: "Jesus, My Life Is in Your Hands." Its message is beautiful and has already been such an encouragement to us. May you be blessed as well!

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. ... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me" Psalm 23: 1, 4.

Until next time, stay close to the Shepherd!

Hello Again!

It's been a long while since I posted. Sometimes I wonder why I stopped blogging. Then I think, "Where do I start?" and I remember why I haven't done so.

Life has happened.

There have been tough times, like helping get a new school up and running. There have been inspiring times, like GYC. There have been joyful times, like courtship and engagement (yes you read that right!). There have been heart-rending times, like losing my father last month. I have lived much, and learned even more.

Because I have learned that no matter the state of the sea, my Jesus is still able to walk on the water.

The Voice of the Lifegiver

John 11 tells a story…

Jesus gets a message from Mary and Martha, telling Him that Lazarus, “he whom Thou lovest,” is sick. Jesus waits a few days, and then tells His disciples He’s going to Judea again because Lazarus is dead and He (Jesus) is going to bring Lazarus back to life. At this point, the disciples remind the Savior that the Jews want to kill Him and that going into Judea isn’t worth it.

They tried to prevent Jesus from going near one who was dead because it wasn’t worth it.

Jesus goes, despite His disciples’ opinions on the matter. He meets the sisters, Martha and Mary, and eventually asks where Lazarus is buried. The women take the Lord of life to the grave of their brother. 

They brought Jesus close to the dead brother.

Jesus asks the people there to remove the stone. Martha protests. “He’s been dead for four days. He stinks! What’s the point?”

Her faith wasn’t strong enough to grasp the idea that the Lifegiver was about to work a miracle.

Jesus calls Lazarus to come out of the tomb. And Lazarus obeys, waddling out of the tomb as best he could, wrapped head to foot as he was with strips of cloth and having his face covered with a napkin.

Jesus spoke life to a dead man. And that newly-awakened man crawled, waddled, or scooted with all his blinded strength to get closer to Jesus.

Jesus tells the people who are standing there gawking at the sight to help the poor man by unbinding the grave cloths and uncovering his face.

-------

I see myself throughout this story. Jesus tells me to take Him close to a heart that is dead in sin. I tell Him that not only is it not worth it (“He/She will never listen anyway”), it’s dangerous. I am a fearful, doubting disciple.

Finally I choose to be like the sisters and take Jesus close to someone who is dead inside. But I still doubt the power of the Lifegiver. And then, when Jesus speaks life into a dead heart, when that brother or that sister comes groping out of their tomb, I gawk. I shouldn’t! I should be waiting, expectant, for the miracle to occur, because the One who speaks life is nearby. I should be ready to immediately help the newly-awakened brother by breaking the cords that bind his hands and his feet so he can move and by taking away the napkin from his face so he can see clearly.

This, friends, is evangelism.

Bring the Lifegiver close to a heart dead in sin, so He can speak life to it. Stand on the alert, ready at the first whisper of sound emanating from the tomb that would indicate the first motions Christ-ward, to help the brother or sister be free from whatever Satan has bound them with. And then move to the next tomb and do it again. Because too many have never heard the voice of the Lifegiver.

Do the Math

"To any whom the Hand Divine is beckoning: count the cost, for He tells us to, but take your slate to the foot of the Cross and add up the figures there." -- Amy Carmichael

The Exchange

"Christ takes His children from that which holds their attention, that they may behold His glory" - Our High Calling, pg. 315. What a glorious exchange!

"Oh, Lord Jesus, show me more that I may give up, that I may have more of Thee!" - Springs in the Valley, pg. 303.

Sing!

     "There is a beautiful story which tells of song birds being brought over the sea. There were 36,000, mostly canaries. The sea was very calm when the ship first sailed, and the little birds were silent. They kept their little heads under their wings and not a note was heard. But the third day out at sea, the ship struck a furious gale. The passengers were terrified. Children wept. Then a strange thing happened. As the tempest reached its height, the birds began to sing, first one, then another, until the 36,000 were singing as if their little throats would burst.

     "When the storm rises in its fury, do we then begin to sing? Should not our song break forth in tenfold joy when the tempest begins?

'I can hear the songbirds singing their refrain

It is morning in my heart;

And I know that life for me begins again,

It is morning in my heart.

It is morning, it is morning in my heart,

Jesus made the gloomy shadows all depart;

Songs of gladness now I sing,

For since Jesus is my King,

It is morning, it is morning in my heart.'

     "'Break forth into singing' Isaiah 49:13."

(Taken from Springs in the Valley, pg. 302-303)

Never underestimate the power of song!

A Day of Miracles

Today is Sabbath, the most precious day of the week. And today has been a precious day, indeed! A day of miracles. Let me fill you in...

During the praise and prayer time at church, I watched from my vantage point at the piano as Gideon* raised his hand timidly. Gideon is one of the academy boys I have a special burden for. I'm not sure what has happened, but for some reason he's extremely quiet, shy, and depressed. Today was a milestone for him. When his hand was acknowledged, he proceeded to tell us how the Lord had blessed the evangelistic series that had just finished at his parents' church. I was thrilled! Then for Sabbath School, Gideon had the opening prayer, as well as sang a duet with his roommate for special music!

Then we divided for classes. I made my way to one of the academy classes. Normally the academy seniors teach Sabbath School. This weekend, however, the seniors are on "Senior Survival" and no one was prepared to teach the lesson. (I hadn't even looked at it yet!) Someone asked me if I was prepared to teach the lesson and I said no, but we could all wing it together. 

Opening the lesson study, I found that this week's lesson had been on the purification sacrifice and the memory verse was 1 Pet. 1:18, 19. "Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, ... but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot." I hesitated for a moment and sensed that lovely little Voice whisper, "Bekah, I'm with you. I'll give you words to speak. Just speak them boldly!" I trembled inside, knowing that I was dealing with a precious subject, a holy topic, and that some of the most flippant students in the school were sitting in my class. Paul* and George* were watching me intently. Very reserved with most of the staff here, Paul is another student that I am intentionally trying to reach. George is often irreverent and rebellious, and had almost never had anything nice to say to me, even when I paid him a complement. With a prayer in my heart, I started in.

We talked of redemption, of what it meant in general, and of what it meant specifically. Paul and George listened closely, hanging on everything I said, even making occasional remarks or questions. At one point, I felt a nudge to do something I had never done with these students. Going back to 1 Pet. 1:18, 19, I began to paraphrase the verses. "Paul was not redeemed with anything this world can offer, but instead with the priceless life of the Son of God! George was not redeemed with... Gideon was not redeemed with... Rebekah was not redeemed with..." Silence filled the room. Paul looked at his feet with a solemn expression. George shifted uncomfortably, then glanced up at me before staring at his hands. Did I glimpse tears in George's eyes? Suddenly it felt like my heart was about to burst with love for these youth. I spoke with a passion and an intensity that surprised me. And God touched hearts. No amazing commitments. No sudden confessions or consecrations. Just a solemn realization of the price paid for each one of them. A personal epiphany of their value to God - and how much we should value Him. 

But the miracles weren't over yet. Class finished and most of the students filed outside. A few boys stayed to fold the chairs and put them away. I was putting my Bible and quarterly away when a voice interrupted me. "Um, Miss Rebekah?" I looked up to see George standing over me, his hand reaching out to shake mine. "You did a really good job, especially since you had to wing it. Thanks. I - I really appreciated what you said." A mixture of shock, incredulity, and joy filled me as I shook hands with this boy and thanked him for his input and help with the discussion. With a smile, he left. 

I walked into the gorgeous fall sunshine, but hardly felt it. I barely noticed the swirling leaves, the caressing wind, the sweet bird songs. My heart was soaring! I was reminded of what my friend Beth used to tell me so often: "Our Jesus has never lost a battle yet!" 

*Not their real names.

The House or the Field?

I came across this song several years ago and found it again last night. Ouch. "Who will go and work for [Him] today?" May we all say, "Here am I, Lord; send me!"

My House Is Full, But My Field Is Empty
By Lanny Wolfe

There is peace and contentment in the Father's house today
Lots of food on His table and no one is turned away
There is singing and laughter as the hours pass by
But a hush calms the singing as the Father sadly cries:

"My house is full, but My field is empty, who will go and work for Me today?
It seems My children all want to stay around My table
But no one wants to work in My field, no one wants to work in My field."

Push away from the table, then look out through the window pane
Just beyond the house of plenty lies a field of golden grain
And it's ripe unto harvest, oh, but the reapers where are they?
There in the house, oh, can't the children hear the Father sadly say:

"My house is full, but My field is empty, who will go and work for Me today?
It seems My children all want to stay around My table
But no one wants to work in My field, no one wants to work in My field."