A Hard Update

    This has been a hard update to write. My cancer has spread in the brain, has come back in one lung, and is now in my liver. I don't know what God is doing, but I still trust Him to do what's best and what will bring Him the most glory and the most souls for heaven. I'm having a lot of coughing again and quite a bit of edema (swelling) in my legs. I started a new chemo infusion earlier this month and we'll see how that goes. Doing as much natural stuff as I can stand, too. Some days it feels like my body is falling apart. But through it all, our Father is still faithful and our Savior is still sufficient! 

    So much is happening in our country and our world. I believe that Jesus will be coming very, very soon. Whether I go through to the end or am laid to rest until the resurrection, I know that my Redeemer lives and that He will come for His people soon. Please, my friends, make sure there's nothing between your soul and your Savior! I don't remember if I've posted this song here before or not, but it's a special one right now. Love to you all!

Curve Ball!

Our Father is still faithful, and our Savior is still sufficient! Furthermore, we're getting closer to Jesus' return and the end of this sinful world. But as we approach the climax, we need to expect the unexpected, the "curve balls."

It’s gotten harder to put things into words. After the first round of radiation last August/September, my brain doesn’t work as quickly or as well as it used to. But we’re trying to get used to it.

My follow-up scan in December showed a decent overall shrinkage of the tumors in the brain. But by March’s scan, several tumors had started to grow again. Curve ball! Last time we did whole brain radiation, but the brain can’t take that more than once. This time I did targeted radiation, where the doctors use pinpoint radiation to minimize the negative effects on the surrounding brain tissue. Now we have to wait for my next scan to see what the results are.

In the meantime, my medical oncologist has changed my treatment plan. I’m no longer on the hormone suppressants, and have started a new oral chemo pill. Because the cancer has now spread to my brain, our conventional options have significantly narrowed. But God’s options haven’t! 

Please pray for us to have wisdom and courage going forward. Most especially please pray for an Indian couple my mom and I have befriended who are not Christian (I think they’re Hindu), but have told us they will be praying to their gods for my healing. I don’t want the devil to get any glory, and I want them to see the power of the Most High God. I want them in heaven! This "curve ball" of a witnessing opportunity is definitely stretching my faith, because I've seen God and Satan fight before and it was intense! I expect it will be intense this time, too. 

These two songs have been running through my mind a lot lately: Goodness of God and My Story. God bless you!

When Life Takes a Different Turn

Life was going fine, I thought. My cancer markers were steady in the normal range, and life was going on. But I began to notice neurological symptoms getting worse, particularly in my left hand. Thankfully, I'm right-handed, so it didn't slow me down much at first. My oncology team is amazing, and listened to my concerns, quickly scheduling a series of scans. This was June. By July we had no answers, more significant weakness in my left arm, and one more scan scheduled - a brain MRI. 

I left for a family reunion in northern MN the beginning of August without hearing the results of the brain scan. While we were in MN, and Daniel was on a canoe trip in the boundary waters with half the family, I got the news that the cancer had made its way to my brain and the swelling caused by the tumors had triggered the neurological symptoms. It was serious. Everything felt very dark, especially as I had to process this without Daniel. But that night, as I processed and cried, Jesus was there with me. I felt like it might be the end for me, but He reminded me of the work He still had for me to do. Just like on the stormy Sea of Galilee, He spoke peace again, and the storm had no choice but to be quiet. 

When Mom told the church at prayer meeting, one of the elders felt God's hand on him, telling him to anoint me as "It's time for Me to do something big for My daughter." Hasn't He already done so many big things?! But more? Yes, more. I began to see a change in the neurological symptoms immediately, although slight.

The only treatment option was a round of radiation. I had no idea it would wipe me out like it did! But by the end of August, I was done. Since then it's been a very slow recovery of energy and ability. My left hand is getting better, though I'm typing this mostly with one or two fingers. I'm finally allowed to drive again. And I know God's not done yet. He's got a lot more to do in me and hopefully through me, too! The MRI at the beginning of December showed three tumors completely gone and the remaining ones between 18-50% reduced in size. The doctors are happy. I'm expecting more shrinkage as the months go on. After all, He's doing something big!

I've put off sharing this because I didn't have the energy to type it up, and there's more I could tell, but again, energy. But I have tested this truth again, and it still holds -- my God is faithful, my Jesus is enough, and His grace is sufficient!

Thank you all for your prayers.

Even in the Valley

 I have been struggling to write this update, because I know several friends who have entered dark valleys of their own lately, and I don't want to seem flippant or unfeeling. But I also know that even in the darkest of valleys - 

our God is still good; our Jesus is still faithful; and His grace is still sufficient!

For the past 9 months or so, my tumors have continued to shrink slowly and it's been a gradual process. I have more energy than I did when I was going through the chemo infusions, but still not as much as I used to before the cancer. My treatment plan has stayed the same, mixing conventional hormone therapy and oral chemo pills with natural remedies and exercise. I get a CT scan every 3 months just to get a visual check on what my insides look like.

But this time, my CT scan results had an additional comment from the radiologist after the usual description of the scan. This time, the doctor added that he could find "no sign of active cancer." Praise the Lord!! That means there are still a few tumors that can be seen, but they are either dead or inactive. My latest bloodwork showed the cancer protein marker is still dropping, which is another unexpected development - well, unexpected for the doctors and oncology team watching this! 

Thank you all so very much for your prayers and support. It has meant so much to us as we have walked through this valley to know that we have so many people lifting us up in prayer. Even though we've now reached a sunnier and smoother part of the valley, I know there are many others who are in their own dark, terrifying valleys. I can testify that even in the valley, God is good, faithful, and true. Even when it seems He's saying "No" to our prayers, He still holds our hands and walks with us. And He still shows us His love for us every day, if we're willing to see it.

The words of this song "Even in the Valley" seem like they were written for my experience. I hope you are blessed by this reminder of the faithfulness of our Jesus!

A Different Perspective

 Hi there! It's been a minute since I was on here last, and I apologize. There's much to update y'all on, so I'll just jump right in!

In January, Daniel and I moved across the country to Tennessee to be closer to my side of the family. We're still getting settled and getting used to where things are (and the prices!) here in southeast TN. We miss our friends and adopted family out West, but we're also happy to be back where I grew up.

But the update you really wanted to hear is probably about the cancer, right? Ok, I'll stop rambling and get to it! God is still faithful, and still working miracles. My CT scan earlier today showed amazing things. My oncology team was blown away! Recap: my breast cancer was metastatic and had spread to my lungs and my bones from my face to my upper thigh bones. My spine was riddled with cancer lesions and very fragile. Today's scan showed that my lungs are clear -- no tumors there! The tumors in the breasts are shrinking significantly. And my bones? Well my oncologist said that they are looking denser (meaning stronger and not so fragile, probably because the cancer isn't eating away at them). He also said that there are clear signs that the bones are healing, and bones can't heal where the cancer is alive. So healing bones = dying tumors! The other thing is that the oncologist measures a certain cancer marker in my blood, and the higher the number the stronger the cancer. The tumor marker has been slowly but steadily coming down, and today it was just above 100. Last month it had been in the 120s, so progress! And so much miracle-happening to praise our Lord for!

For those of you who are curious about my treatment plan, I'm still on the hormone therapy and various complementary natural therapies, like supplements. The plan is to stick with what we're doing until it stops working or God heals me (or you know, Jesus comes back and I'm healed then!). 

Sometimes looking at something from a different perspective helps us see things we wouldn't otherwise discover. Ever been stumped on a hidden picture activity and turned the picture sideways or upside down? The hidden items seem to pop out at you when you look at it from a different perspective. Cancer has given me a different perspective on many things. My priorities shifted a bit. Showing affection for my family and friends more often, being more intentional about my Bible study time, doing the little things to brighten someone's day, sharing humor and making people smile for a minute, nurturing hope - these things all too frequently get shoved to the back burner when life is "normal." I'm still pretty low-energy, and my hands are still stiff, and typing and texting are still uncomfortable, but I keep doing what I can each day.

One of the things I recently saw from a different perspective has to do with music. Many of you know I love music! Before the cancer, I played the flute and piano. The cancer changed that though. Since I could barely breathe, I couldn't play the flute or sing. And painful, stiff fingers took away the piano as well (and the flute. Hard to play with stiff fingers!). But as the tumors in my lungs have disappeared and I can breathe, I've been able to start playing the flute again. One day I was complaining to God about how the devil had used the cancer to steal one of the talents God had given me, and I couldn't use it to bless others and serve Him. Soon after that, a couple came to share their musical talent at church and the lady was playing several unusual instruments. Suddenly, I saw my situation from a different perspective. I was bemoaning losing one talent, when I should be looking for something else to replace it! So I've asked God to help me learn two talents to replace the one the devil stole. I'm learning to play two new instruments - the bowed psaltery and the hammered dulcimer - both of them easy to play with my lingering neuropathy. Every time I look at my instruments, I am challenged to focus on what I can do rather than regretting what I can no longer do. I am challenged to look at things from a different perspective, keeping in mind the ongoing battle between Christ and Satan, and asking God how He wants me to serve Him in my new normal. I like this different perspective!

I'll close this post with Don and Donna Mohl's version of "Peace in the Valley." I'm looking forward to the peace in heaven, and the way this world is going, we're going to be there soon! However, I'm so thankful that there's peace in this valley because Jesus is still walking it with me! Thank you all so very much for all your prayers and love. We appreciate it more than we can ever tell you.

I'm Still Here!

 Hello, everyone!

I've been silent for a while because the chemo-induced neuropathy severely affected my hands, and although the neuropathy is improving, my fingers are still painful and stiff, and it hurts to type. So this will be brief (for you to read... I'm not going to tell you how many days it has taken me to type this!).

The oncologist ended my chemo infusions a little early because he didn't think my body could handle any more without permanent nerve damage. I didn't complain! Surgery isn't an option at this time, so I have started the hormone therapy. My oncologist said I responded "phenomenally well" to the infusions, and he expects that the tumors will continue to shrink with the hormone therapy too. 

I will be having more tests after Christmas to see what the tumors look like. In the meantime, I'm slowly regaining some energy and my hair is starting to grow back. My family calls me a chinchilla and a chia pet!

A few Sabbaths ago I was able to a flute/piano duet with Sylvia Crary for church, and you can watch it here. Last month I recorded an interview with Better Life TV that you can see here. (Note: that is a wig, not my real hair, in case anyone is wondering!)

I am so thankful for how the Lord has seen fit to answer prayer, and so grateful for those who have been praying! Have a beautiful, Christ-centered holiday season!

Today's Friday, but Tuesday's Coming!

I've noticed something about this valley. It seems the bad news often comes on Friday afternoons. The initial biopsy results came in on a Friday afternoon. The oncologist called us on a Friday afternoon to tell us that one of my vertebrae was in danger of crushing my spinal cord and causing paralysis or worse. And most recently, the results of my latest CT and bone scans came in on Friday afternoon.

The results were mixed. The radiologist said the tumors in the breasts and lungs were shrinking, but the tumors in the bones were "innumerable" and there were two soft-tissue tumors in my chest that had grown significantly. Many people were praying that this set of scans would reveal God working mightily. The temptation to be discouraged was very real. But then I heard, "My child, choose to praise Me for the good news, and choose to trust Me with the bad news." So that's what we did. We praised God for the shrinking tumors, and trusted Him to handle the growing ones, even though it didn't make sense to us what was going on. I'd be in to the oncologist's office on Tuesday, and I'd learn more then.

Eventually, my appointment rolled around. The oncologist was on call at the hospital, so I saw his assistant instead. The assistant told me the oncologist had called him that morning to make sure he knew to tell me that there had been a mistake with the reading of the scans. The radiologist who read the results compared them to the CT scan I had before I started treatment, rather than the most recent one, so he was looking at things wrong. The reality was quite different! The assistant said he didn't know the details, only that the oncologist had asked him to tell me that everything was improving and he'd fill me in later.

I was reminded of a phrase I'd heard years ago in the context of the death and resurrection of Jesus - "Today's Friday, but Sunday's coming!" That was to say that although the view to the disciples was dark on Friday, there was unparalleled joy waiting for them on Sunday, even though they couldn't see it that Friday. For me, I had to wait until Tuesday for the joyful news, but I didn't have to wait a moment for the peace that passes understanding.

Finally, I was able to sit down with the oncologist and hear the details. The tumors in the breasts and lungs have shrunk significantly. The affected lymph nodes next to my sternum don't look like they've changed, but at least they haven't grown. And the lesions on the bones? The oncologist got rather animated as he informed me that he could see clear evidence of the bone healing in many of the areas where the cancer had been. Bone cannot heal where cancer is live and active. So the fact that there is healing happening means that the cancer is completely dead in that location. He had told me that the chemo doesn't usually work very quickly on the bone lesions and that it would be longer before we started seeing much improvement there. He seemed quite excited at the unexpected progress in the bone disease and all I could say was "Praise the Lord!"

Thank you to all of you for your prayers, love, and support. I haven't had the energy to figure out how to reply to everyone's notes and comments, but we have read and been encouraged by each one of them. I am humbled by how many of you are lifting us up to the throne of grace while you yourselves are going through dark valleys. We have felt your prayers and your love. Thank you!

I've had several people ask me what exactly we're doing for treatment. Following is the bulk of the treatment plan the Lord directed us to for this stage of the valley:

-Chemotherapy

-Essiac tea

-Protandim

-Turmeric/Curcumin

-Vitamin D3

-NAC

-Calcium supplement

-Ivermectin (See this NIH report and these articles)

One of my aunts reminded me recently of this song about what God does in the hidden valleys. I don't want to waste this cancer, to waste the opportunity to prove my Savior's faithfulness or His ability to purify from sin. He's working, both in our hearts and in my health, to show His power to save!