The Backpack

I don't remember exactly how old I was, maybe about 12. I was crying myself to sleep one night for some reason, feeling as if the world rested on my little shoulders. I don't remember what started my tears, but I do remember wishing with all my heart that I could get rid of the heaviness in my heart. The problem was that I didn't know how. No one had told me. In fact, my guess is that no one around me knew the answer themselves, at least not well enough to explain it to me. Finally, I fell asleep. And as I slept, I dreamed...

I peeked around the corner of the empty hallway, terrified that someone would find me and scold me for being there. But I didn't know where I was or where I was supposed to be. And the backpack I had on felt soooo heavy! I saw an open door close to me and I felt drawn to look in. As I peered around the doorframe, I saw a small room. The only furniture in the room was a plain wooden chair in the center of the room. A man was sitting in the chair. All I saw was his eyes. They were so kind and gentle. Then he smiled at me and held out his arms. It was Jesus! And He wanted me to sit on His lap! But I stood, frozen to the spot, because I knew I couldn't climb on His lap. Not with the backpack. The backpack would get in the way, but I didn't know what to do to get rid of it. Oh, how I wanted to sit on His lap! I walked up to Him, but didn't even try to climb in His lap. Then the thought impressed itself on my mind: "Bekah, give Me your backpack." I looked at Him, and He took the backpack. Then, with the tenderest smile I've ever seen, He picked me up and held me in His lap. He didn't just let me sit on His lap. No, He held me close to Him, just like a parent holds their child close to their heart.

When I woke up, I knew what to do to get rid of the heaviness in my heart. The dream stayed with me through the years, the Holy Spirit reminding me of it whenever I struggled with how to surrender: "Bekah, will you give Me the backpack?" Recently I've been hearing several people talking about surrender. From friends, to teachers, to classmates and academy students, many people were struggling with surrendering or telling how God had called them to a surrender of something in their lives. Thursday night I had evening worship for the academy girls and I told them the story of my dream. Last night (Friday night) as I was saying goodnight to my girls, one of them told me, "Goodnight, Miss Rebekah! I hope you have another dream about sitting in Jesus' lap." As I walked away, I began to ask God, "Lord, is there something I haven't surrendered to You that You're trying to help me see? This topic keeps coming up. Is there a reason? What are You trying to tell me?" I didn't like the answer that came. I hadn't realized that particular issue was in my backpack, so to speak. But I chose to give Him the backpack again. What peace! 

Friend, what's in your backpack? Whatever it is, give your backpack to Jesus. It's the most precious experience in the world!