A Dark Valley and God's Hand

 It's been a little bit since my last update. This valley has gotten dark and difficult. After my ER visit, I went for a CT scan to make sure I didn't have any blood clots. The oncologist called us the next day because the scan showed that one of my vertebrae was severely compromised. No blood clots, thankfully! But this particular vertebra, if it fractures any more will compress my spinal cord and cause partial paralysis. Scary thought! Because of the results of the CT scan, I was put on antibiotics (for a potential lung infection) and scheduled to visit the radiation oncologist as soon as possible.

So I will be pausing my chemo treatments for two weeks and doing radiation on my spine for that time instead. In preparation for this radiation treatment, the radiation oncologist ordered an x-ray of my right femur, as a previous bone scan in June had shown a definite cancer lesion there. Today, when we got the results of the x-ray, we caught a glimpse of God's hand! The results stated that there was no indication of cancer anywhere in my femur! There was cancer in that bone in June, but not today. We are praising God for this reminder that He is working, even when we can't see it (or feel it!), and that He is not going to waste this cancer!

I've been thinking lately of an old hymn, "There'll Be No Dark Valley When Jesus Comes" (listen here). Years ago, I was scheduled to play a flute/recorder duet with Dr. Roger Nelson for church one Sabbath. However, a few days before we were to play, Dr. Roger had a stroke. We hadn't picked a song yet, so I asked his wife if she knew what song Dr. Roger had been planning for us to share. She said he hadn't told her, but the hymnal was open to "There'll Be No Dark Valley." So that's the song I played solo that Sabbath, since Dr. Roger wasn't able to play with me. It's been a special song to me ever since and has been running through my head this last week. I can't wait for the dark valleys to be gone! But in the meantime, I know we don't walk them alone. Whatever the valley, however dark or light it may be, when we place our hand in Jesus' hand we never walk alone!

Going Deeper into the Valley

 First of all, Daniel and I want to thank everyone for their prayers and love. We have felt God's hand on us through this whole ordeal. Deciding on a treatment plan was very difficult. We were blessed to be able to have a consultation with Dr. Neil Nedley, from Weimar, as well as with an integrative oncologist. Dr. Nedley agreed with my first oncologist that my prognosis, without a miracle, is 3-5 years with aggressive treatment. He advised us to go ahead with the chemotherapy treatment and suggested several alternative therapies to do alongside the chemo. The consultation with the integrative oncologist had a similar result. She recommended we contact an oncologist in Pennsylvania who is doing cutting-edge research into T-cell therapy for breast cancer. When Daniel called the number, the doctor himself answered (definitely arranged by God!) and when he heard me coughing he told us that I needed to start the chemo immediately and look into joining the study after I finish chemo. So through the counsel of three additional doctors God made it clear that I was to start chemo.

Tuesday I had my first chemo treatment. I was given Benadryl to help with nausea, etc., but I didn't realize how strongly I reacted to the stuff! It put me into such a deep sleep the nurses were worried because I couldn't answer their questions if I were to have a negative reaction to anything.Thankfully the treatment went smoothly, and I went home to sleep... and sleep... and sleep! I felt the effects well into Wednesday! Wednesday evening my temperature started to climb. Now that I am a chemo patient, if my temperature reaches 100.4 it means an automatic trip to the ER. In the middle of the night last night, we had to go to the ER and we were there for quite a while. 

I am home now, and resting. We're so grateful for the prayers going up on our behalf, and we can feel God holding us through each new aspect. Please continue to pray for God's will to be done. As Dr. Nedley pointed out to us, without a miracle, I will die from this, but we know the Miracle Worker!

Digging Wells in the Valley

 There's an old song I heard years ago, and it describes the importance of leaving a well of joy behind you when you travel through a valley in life so that those who follow after will be encouraged by your experience. I had forgotten all about that song until just before my first biopsy, when it "just happened" to show up as a recommendation on YouTube (click here to listen). I think that's when the idea first registered in my brain that I was just starting through a dark valley. 

Proverbial valleys aren't fun. In fact they are often symbolic of especially difficult times and circumstances. But even in this valley of cancer, I'm finding that God is digging wells for me - wells of joy, peace, and hope. But before I continue to wax eloquent on the wells I'm finding, let me give you the latest update on our cancer journey.

My oncologist took my case to the Tumor Board, but he hasn't told us any of the outcome. He has told us that my case is incurable, and that with a highly intensive plan of chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy, I might have 3-5 years left. We are seeking a second opinion (and third or fourth!) and we'll see what the integrative oncologist has to say. The integrative oncologist blends conventional and alternative therapies as much as possible, and my current oncologist has stated that he is unwilling to allow any alternative therapy in my plan, unless I wish to smoke marijuana. Lol! So we are still praying for wisdom on how God would have us proceed with building a plan of treatment.

In the meantime, we have been doing some natural treatments, which will at the very least slow the growth of the tumors while we are in this waiting time. God has blessed in many ways, including lessening my bone pain significantly. I'm exceedingly grateful for the relief!! Last week was difficult, as I had a coughing fit that triggered a massive muscle spasm in my lower back that took several days to recover from. But our Jesus is still faithful!

Thank you to everyone who is praying, and those who have shared advice or offered help. My family and I feel incredibly loved! Please, keep praying, as I know our God has only just begun to show His power!

Back to the wells. I'm finding that God is digging a well of joy in this valley He's walking with me. I can see the beauty around me more clearly as I look at the plants on my walks or when I see my friends' child smile and laugh at the frog she's just caught. There's a joy, too, in seeing the outpouring of love and care from more people than I can count - I had no clue God had used me to bless so many, and the knowledge that He has done so brings more joy than I can tell you, because there's no joy like the joy of knowing you've been working with Jesus. And because of this well of joy He's been digging in my valley, I'm finding extra pleasure in sharing joy and humor with those around me. It's such fun to get the nurses to laugh while they're doing whatever they have to do to me!

The wells of peace and hope are side by side. Knowing the greatest Physician of all has personally taken my case brings both peace and hope like nothing else! Spending time with Jesus in the mornings gets sweeter every day, and the promises He gives me from the Bible are so precious. Regardless of how this trial turns out, whether I live or die, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that heaven will more than make up for anything I go through here on Earth.

So, as you go through your day, look for the wells of joy, hope, and peace that Jesus is digging for you, too!

The Valley of the Shadow

  Cancer. Not a diagnosis anyone wants to hear, especially when you're young and have so much life ahead of you. Welcome to my newest training experience.

About a month ago, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma -- breast cancer. As the days went by, and the doctors ordered more tests, we discovered that the cancer had already spread to my lungs and several bones. My pain steadily increased and I developed the cancer cough. I lost count of the times I wished for a mask that said "I don't have Covid -- I have cancer!" 

We're just beginning this journey through cancer, but as we were inundated with calls, texts, and emails from friends and loved ones wanting to share their love and support, Daniel and I realized we were going to need a way to keep everyone updated without wearing ourselves out. Perfect time to dust off this blog!

So the most recent update is that God is still faithful! The oncologist is taking my case to a panel of other oncologists and doctors of various departments (someone called it the Tumor Board) this week to get their input. We're waiting for one or two more tests, and we're still praying about what treatment plan God wants us to pursue. After all, each person and situation are unique, and who better to know the best treatment plan than the One who created me in the first place? 

Though we're just beginning this journey with cancer, God has been helping us to look to Him and to His promises. Whatever the outcome ends up being, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand. My mom's pastor wrote and recorded this song for us: "Jesus, My Life Is in Your Hands." Its message is beautiful and has already been such an encouragement to us. May you be blessed as well!

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. ... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me" Psalm 23: 1, 4.

Until next time, stay close to the Shepherd!

Hello Again!

It's been a long while since I posted. Sometimes I wonder why I stopped blogging. Then I think, "Where do I start?" and I remember why I haven't done so.

Life has happened.

There have been tough times, like helping get a new school up and running. There have been inspiring times, like GYC. There have been joyful times, like courtship and engagement (yes you read that right!). There have been heart-rending times, like losing my father last month. I have lived much, and learned even more.

Because I have learned that no matter the state of the sea, my Jesus is still able to walk on the water.

The Voice of the Lifegiver

John 11 tells a story…

Jesus gets a message from Mary and Martha, telling Him that Lazarus, “he whom Thou lovest,” is sick. Jesus waits a few days, and then tells His disciples He’s going to Judea again because Lazarus is dead and He (Jesus) is going to bring Lazarus back to life. At this point, the disciples remind the Savior that the Jews want to kill Him and that going into Judea isn’t worth it.

They tried to prevent Jesus from going near one who was dead because it wasn’t worth it.

Jesus goes, despite His disciples’ opinions on the matter. He meets the sisters, Martha and Mary, and eventually asks where Lazarus is buried. The women take the Lord of life to the grave of their brother. 

They brought Jesus close to the dead brother.

Jesus asks the people there to remove the stone. Martha protests. “He’s been dead for four days. He stinks! What’s the point?”

Her faith wasn’t strong enough to grasp the idea that the Lifegiver was about to work a miracle.

Jesus calls Lazarus to come out of the tomb. And Lazarus obeys, waddling out of the tomb as best he could, wrapped head to foot as he was with strips of cloth and having his face covered with a napkin.

Jesus spoke life to a dead man. And that newly-awakened man crawled, waddled, or scooted with all his blinded strength to get closer to Jesus.

Jesus tells the people who are standing there gawking at the sight to help the poor man by unbinding the grave cloths and uncovering his face.

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I see myself throughout this story. Jesus tells me to take Him close to a heart that is dead in sin. I tell Him that not only is it not worth it (“He/She will never listen anyway”), it’s dangerous. I am a fearful, doubting disciple.

Finally I choose to be like the sisters and take Jesus close to someone who is dead inside. But I still doubt the power of the Lifegiver. And then, when Jesus speaks life into a dead heart, when that brother or that sister comes groping out of their tomb, I gawk. I shouldn’t! I should be waiting, expectant, for the miracle to occur, because the One who speaks life is nearby. I should be ready to immediately help the newly-awakened brother by breaking the cords that bind his hands and his feet so he can move and by taking away the napkin from his face so he can see clearly.

This, friends, is evangelism.

Bring the Lifegiver close to a heart dead in sin, so He can speak life to it. Stand on the alert, ready at the first whisper of sound emanating from the tomb that would indicate the first motions Christ-ward, to help the brother or sister be free from whatever Satan has bound them with. And then move to the next tomb and do it again. Because too many have never heard the voice of the Lifegiver.

Do the Math

"To any whom the Hand Divine is beckoning: count the cost, for He tells us to, but take your slate to the foot of the Cross and add up the figures there." -- Amy Carmichael